So you want to commit suicide?

There seems to be a craze going around lately. It’s like a fad diet and just about as useful. All the kids today seem to think that committing suicide is the answer to all the trivial little hurts they receive.

Well I say, “How dare you!”

So what if your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you? So what if you got a bad grade on a test? These are the things you want to die over? Seriously? Of all the selfish, petty and ridiculously over-reactive things!

I realize that in all thing there is a relativity. It may seem like an incident is the most devastating of your young life but really…Your life is not that bad! There are people out there that far worse off and they DON’T WANT TO DIE!

Kids your age that are living in war zones getting bombed everyday are desperate to live and their lives are a lot crappier than your! Or how about the teenage girl who found out that she has cancer so bad that she had to have a limb amputated and lost all her hair from chemotherapy, she is fighting every day to live as long as she can. Or maybe it’s the soldier who is under constant mental and physical attack never knowing if the next step they take will land on a bomb that will kill them and all their friends. They still get up every day and fight to live.

How dare you threaten to destroy your life when tomorrow may be the best day of your life? How will you ever meet that Rock Star of your dreams? If you are dead then you’ll never see the next episode of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead or whatever your favorite show might be. You’ll never see your sports team win the championship.
There are so many things to live for. Just look around at the beauty of the world and all the wondrous things you haven’t tried or seen yet. If you commit suicide you’ll never get to travel and meet the thousands of people who will affect your life for better or for worse. How will you learn?

Not just that, how can you be so selfish as to put your family through that! Do you really want you little brother or sister to come in and find your lifeless body? Do you really want your family to have to live with the pain and anguish that your death will bring? Your parents who tucked you in at night and kissed your owies and held you when you were scared and had nightmares, is this how you would repay their love?

What of your friends? Should they have to go through pain of losing you and finally be brought to the point you are in now? Do you want them to feel like that? Do you want to be responsible for their anguish or even death?

I understand that there are people who believe that suicide is their only option, but it is not! If you feel like this GET SOME HELP! TALK TO SOMEONE! CALL A HOTLINE! Suicide is a problem that perpetuates itself. It’s a virus, infecting others with soul pain.
IS that what you want to do with your life?

How dare you!


A floating piece of fuzz


I took a hot bath last night trying to sooth some aching muscles. As I soaked it noticed that I had been joined by a floating piece of fuzz. I could have been from the carpet or a sock it was hard to say. For lack of any other entertainment I watched it as it floated around in the water. It bobbed just below the surface never quite reaching the air. It swirled and drifted wherever the current took it. Lost in a vast sea of hot water. It never quite made it to “landfall” either every time it would float close to the side of the tub or my leg it would hover just out of reach like there was some kind of barrier keeping it from reaching that anchor.

I watched it for a long time and then tried to catch it and help it on its way to “dry land” but it eluded me with what seemed like determination. Eventually the bath drained and the little piece of fuzz had stubbornly stayed in the tub. It finally managed to cling the surface and was left behind when the water tried to carry it down the drain.

It made me lonely. Then I realized this was a visual metaphor for our destinies.

We float and drift where the current takes us so near to what we think we want but never quite making it. Then we sabotage ourselves by resisting the help that others try to give us certain that we can do it on our own. Always sure that we know what is best for us. Without help we will always be floating with an invisible barrier between us and where we could be.


Don’t just float waiting for help you won’t accept! Paddle! Paddle for all you are worth and make landfall! Accept help whenever you can! No man is an island…nor is he a lone piece of floating fuzz.

The Montana State Trooper

I want to send out a thanks to a Montana State Trooper. I don’t know his name but he’s a superhero to me.

I know that the term hero is over used these days. Every person who is a cop, firefighter, or soldier is a hero no matter how they act or what they do. However, a true hero is one who comes in time of great need and the other day I was in great need.

We needed some shopping that wasn’t available in our little town and I needed the oil changed in our van so we went to Great Falls, the closest large city. It’s about an hour away. Trips to Great Falls don’t always go well for us because my Autistic son will periodically have meltdowns. I don’t knowing they are from overstimulation or from his desire to do something that he isn’t allowed to do.

I don’t know what other Autistic kids’ meltdowns are like but my son lately has been rather violent. I have teeth marks on my wrists and scratches and bruises all over my arms. My poor daughter looks as if she was attacked by a large wild animal. He doesn’t mean to hurt us. He just can’t understand how to deal with his emotions in a good way. It’s usually in the form of kicking, biting, pinching, punching, and head butting.

So when we came out if Kmart and the little merry-go-round outside the door wasn’t working it triggered a meltdown and he bit me so hard it brought tears to my eyes. Fortunately or unfortunately we were finished shopping at that time so we went to the van to go home. This only increased the meltdown.

By the time we were on the interstate he was attacking my daughter who was sitting next to him. Bless her heart she was trying to remain calm and talking to him trying to get him to snap out if it but he kept at it.

That’s when he unbuckled his seatbelt and started jumping around the van. I pulled over and put on my flashers. By this point I’ve lost my temper as I’m hanging over the seat trying to get him to sit down and buckle in without getting hit, bit, or kicked in the face. When I glanced out the back window and saw flashing light pulling in behind us.

Oh great! That’s all I need. I’m thinking: child abuse, domestic violence, tickets for stopping in a bad place. You see where I grew up in Colorado a lot of the cops are on a power trip and aren’t always nice or even helpful.

The trooper came up to my window.
He said, “I saw you had your flashers on and I wanted to check and see if everything was alright.”
I explained about William’s meltdown and how he took his seatbelt off so I had to stop.

He looked in the back seat and sternly but not unkindly said, “William, you need to keep your seatbelt on so you can be safe. And you need to be nice to your sister. Can you do that for me?”

My son stared at him a moment then said with tears still running down his face, “Yes.”

The trooper then wished us a good day. I thanked him and we were back on our way.

The meltdown started again a few miles down the road and lasted another half an hour until Leah managed to get him laughing. (My daughter is really good at that.). However he didn’t try to take his seatbelt off again.

Later that night and all of yesterday William kept talking about “police officer” and “seatbelt on”. The encounter made an impression.

There are times with Autistic kids that you need someone else to get through to them. They don’t always listen to mom or dad. So I say thank you to my hero. He came in my time of great need and made a lasting impression on my son that will hopefully keep him safe in the future.

That trooper is a shining example of what police are supposed to be and it renews my faith. Thank you again Mr. Trooper.

Why are you so surprised?

When my husband is gone I try to keep up with the weather wherever he is. At the moment that is Kansas, and with the storms and tornadoes in that area: I WORRY! So I turned on the news while I drank my coffee and saw a little story about a man in Arkansas that was helping his fellow neighbors.
Arkansas man rushes to aid tornado victims.
This was an awesome show of humanity. Digging and searching through debris to find anyone who had been buried with no hesitation is the ultimate act of heroism. The news was careful to point out that this man was not an emergency services worker.
Now I’m going to say something that will probably piss off a lot of people. Why the Hell are you so surprised that this man and countless others are doing this?! Where did we get the idea that only those qualified, such as EMTs or police, are the only ones who can help?
Every year hundreds of tornadoes rip through the plains of this country. It is called Tornado Alley for a reason. Men and women from all walks of life dump what they are doing to help each other every single time one of the those horrid disasters happen. Why is everyone so surprised that people are helping each other?
I remember as a kid in eastern Colorado, whenever there was a grass fire every farmer for miles would grab shovels or get in their tractor and go to the fire to help put it out. Or just recently there have been avalanches here in Montana. When one hit Missoula, most of the town descended on the area and started digging for survivors.
Deep down humans will always help each other. There is no question of this. It is in our nature. We are in this together. Too often we get caught up in our quest to improve our own circumstances that we forget the needs of others. Then an emergency happens and all we can think about it saving lives. Material goods stop mattering. I just wish that we could remember this without a disaster to prompt us.