Spending our Anniversary apart…again

Happy Anniversary to us!

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On November 22 we celebrated our 18th year as a married couple. To some that is a pittance of time together to others it is a phenomenal feat of marital magic. To us, it was another day to celebrate that we were together…sort of.

It seems like every year our anniversary comes at a time when we can’t be together. My husband works for the wind farms and like the wind he blows away at a moments notice. I can’t complain. He takes very good care of us. We have everything that we need, except dad home. We stay in touch as best we can. E-mail, text, calls, snapchats- whatever it takes. We talk every night on the phone. Still there is no substitute for those glorious times that we are actually in the same house sharing a life. Neither of us like the arrangement that we are living right now, but in today’s economy, you take whatever job you can get and you keep it.

How have we stayed together all this time?

Marriage isn’t some magical thing that just happens and you live happily ever after. It takes dedication, hard work, and most of all love. I can’t imaging loving anyone else but Frank. He was my first and will be my only. We’ve overcome the rigors of trying to mesh two different worlds. He grew up in Scotland and I grew up in Colorado. We are from different religious backgrounds and often different philosophies when it comes to finances. We’ve stayed together through health problems, moving , job losses, having children, losing a child,  and having a child with disabilities. But we have beat all the odds. We’ve been together for 20 years come this December and we’ve been married for 18 of those years.

It’s not some miracle or magic. It’s just us. We made a commitment and we won’t let it go for anything. Have we had our hard times? Of course. Have there been doubts? Of course. But in the end we love each other and there is no other way to live. My husband always says that marriage isn’t a 50/50 partnership. It’s a 100/100 partnership. You must give 100% of yourself all the time. Sounds exhausting? It isn’t when you love the other person.

My mom always said that it’s the husband and the wife, together against the world. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you are tired and things seem to be crashing down around you but in the end we are always there for each other. A long time ago we had to kick the Martyr Syndrome. The “I do all the work and you just sit there” train of thought. Each of us has our bit to contribute. Yes, it may feel like I’m the only one that ever takes out the trash but he is the only one that has to get up and go to work in the freezing cold. It balances out.

Then there is the need to appreciate each other. It is SOOOO important to say THANK YOU! Even if it is for the small things. Thank you for cooking, thank you for picking up your socks, thank you for just being alive. Thank yous are important even in the bedroom. Tell your partner thank you! Go to sleep feeling appreciated and giving your appreciation. It makes the hard times easier to bear.

So many people tell me that they don’t know how I do it, with my husband gone all the time. They can barely make it a few days without their husband. Well maybe I’m different but maybe I’m just used to learning to deal with adversity. I miss him more than I can put into words. Depression sets in every time he goes back to work. I want to give up and never crawl out of bed, but that is hardly giving 100% now is it? Neither of us like being apart, but it is what is it right now. We love each other and we will deal with this and when he comes home we will be ridiculously happy for a few days.

Maybe someday we can be together again but for right now we have to cling to our love and keep on keeping on. So appreciate the fact that your husband or wife is there with you now. Don’t make mountains out of mole hills and just love them with everything you are and every bit you have.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

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