There is no such thing as I can’t!
Don’t try, DO!
Can’t is for quitters!
All these statements are shoved at us from all angles during our “formative years” from coaches and teachers and team leaders. They are trying to get young people to understand that it doesn’t matter how hard something is if you quit you’ll never succeed at it. I understand that principle. I approve of that principle. This is where we learn our work ethic from. The never give up attitude is quintessential to life in America.
Unfortunately sometimes it backfires.
Ambition and drive are wonderful things. Success is sweet. However, slow death from stress is not.
I have spent my life under the premise that if you want something done do it yourself. Relying on other people is not always a possibility. I’m a work horse that just goes and goes. It doesn’t matter how little sleep I have, if I can afford my bills, or even if I have lost my job. It doesn’t matter. You get back up and drink some coffee, rob Peter to pay Paul and get another job. Having a miscarriage? NO problem clean yourself up and go to work. There are no excuses for giving up.
How stupid am I?
I had to learn to say I can’t. I was recently told by my doctor that I had to realize that I had limitations. WHAT! No I don’t. I’m super mom. I can do all things! and I can do it on no sleep.
No I can’t.
I can’t manage 9 years without a good night sleep. I can’t keep putting my body through the ringer hoping that it will bounce back with a little extra coffee. I can’t be vigilant watching my Autistic son 24 hours a day. I can’t keep my daughter safe from the world, she is going to have to live in it sooner or later. I can’t fix everything by myself.
I need help.
This revelation has thrown me into a massive depression. To the point where I don’t even want to try. How do I deal with everything that is on my plate without the help that I need? Where am I supposed to get help? Family is too far away and friends aren’t always capable of doing what I do on a daily basis. Quitting isn’t an option because I have too many people relying on me. So what do I do?
They don’t teach you that in school. They just tell you that you have to keep going and never quit. So what happens when you have to quit? When you have to realize that you can’t do it all? How are we supposed to cope? Nervous breakdowns? Prescription drugs? Recreational drugs? Alcohol? Heartattacks? Suicide?
What kind of a message is that sending to our kids?
My never quit attitude has shown my daughter that she needs to work hard for what she wants. That’s good. However she works so hard that she makes herself sick and she collapses from exhaustion every couple of weeks and sleeps for 36 hours. How did that go so wrong?
I always say in all things balance. I wish I’d listen to myself. We have to find a balance between never quitting and learning our limitations. I love those statements that come from “helpful professionals” who tell you that “You just need to reduce your stress.” Yeah, didn’t think of that thanks. Or how about “Take some time for yourself.” Where? Which kid do I give up time with in order to get some time to myself? Do I give up what little sleep I get to have some “me time?” It doesn’t work that way. Our society is set up to tear itself apart not because of cultural issues but because we have not support structure for our mental state.
Some of you are thinking, Counselors would help. Yeah, no. I’ve tried that. She shook her head and said “I don’t know what to tell you, everything I could suggest you are doing already.” Well that helped. So now what? I need coping skills butI needed them about 25 years ago when I was in school and setting out on my journey through life. I needed them to be in place before the world crashed on to my shoulders and I had to play Atlas so that I had something to turn to when my limitations showed up.
Imagine how different the schools would be if we taught our children how to cope with the problems in their life instead of just telling them they can’t say can’t.