Finding my own way

I’ll be the first to admit I’m lost. I always have been.

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Ever since I was a little kid I have wanted to be too many things. I’ve never been one to know my path. I always wished I could’ve been a kid who was obsessed with one thing like helping people so I would become a doctor or a kid who built things so I could be an engineer. But I’m not.

I want to be everything. I wanna be an astronaut, jet pilot, a deep sea diver, a scientist, an artist, a sculptor, a decorator, a martial arts guru, a translator for the United Nations, a revolutionary, and of course a cowboy.
Unfortunately I’m not any of those things.
I’m a mom and a wanna be writer. Granted, yes, I write but that doesn’t mean I’m a writer. If no one reads what I write then what am I? A child still playing at parts?

Playing at parts is why I believe I’m good at writing. Empathy and perspective are key pieces to all writers. People come up to me all the time and start telling me random intimate things about their lives. I used to think that it meant I should be a psychologist but now I believe it means I should be a writer. So many insights can’t be bad.

Now if I could only find the right road to travel. Following everyone else’s path isn’t really working. Maybe I’m not far enough along in my journey and I’m just being impatient. Or maybe I truly am lost and I should be finding a different way. I wish now more than anything that I was someone who knew what they were supposed to be doing.

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6 thoughts on “Finding my own way

  1. It takes time. The hardest part is finding what you want. After that all you need to do is decide. If you’re on WordPress, there is a part of you that wants to be a writer. Listen to it, you have a way with words.

    Erik

    • Thank you. I know I want to be a writer deep down but the starving artist life doesn’t mesh with kids very well. They say you have to be willing to make sacrifices to be a writer, to dedicate the time, but I don’t want to sacrifice my family life. I just can’t seem to find the right path where I can have both. I appreciate your faith in me thank you.

  2. If you put pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard), you are a writer. I have had a similar problem in being able to convince myself that I am a writer. Society dictates that in order for us to be *labeled* as a writer, we need to be published, we need to pay the bills with our efforts, we need to have hordes of readers that hang on our every last word pleading for our next offering. Truth is, none of that makes someone a writer, in my humble opinion.

    “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

    If what you feel inside when you write makes you come alive, you are a writer, plain and simple. Yes, the fame of J.K Rowling would be nice. Sure, the monetary rewards of Stephen King would be advantageous to our daily lifestyle. But, the thing that keeps us coming back, day after day, piece after piece, in the absence of these societal rewards, is a love of self-expression and discovery. And we should never put that feeling at the mercy of societal pleas.

    Let’s all stand up, together, and claim our stance as writers 😉

    • Lol fame and fortune would be nice but I’d rather just affect someone. I want my stories to give “aha!” moments. Unfortunately I have to get people to see them before that can happen haha.

  3. It’s a similar thing to what they call the “paradox of choice”. Too many choices leads to paralysis and thus not making the choice. I know exactly what you’re feeling. It’s been my problem too, my whole life. With all the things I’ve learned, and the variety of things I like to do… what the hell do I do with them? No one has a job opening with the description of “everything”.

    But now I have figured it out. Finally. I know what it’s all been leading up to. And now that gives me the focus to chase that path down. It’s pretty cool — one day the last puzzle piece just fell into place, and there it was. The same will happen for you, and the fact that you’re thinking about it means you’re close. There’s another piece or two headed your way. Be open to them.

    People tell you their secrets because they see you as wise and discreet. Trust me. 🙂

    Oh, and hi to hubby too! Still miss you guys.

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