Breathing is good.

If I could just organize the world how I wanted it, things would be so much easier.

I don’t mean that I would make myself rich or suddenly be married to some movie star. No. I just want to make it so that family can live all in the same house. This living with one member of the family gone is so hard. I feel more for the families of soldiers than for the soldiers themselves. It’s the waiting and the wondering that is the real killer.

The next thing i would reorganize is the availability of help for my son. Having to search out OT or speech therapist or even doctors that understand what is going on is a pain. We have to make 15+ hour trips sometimes to find the right kind of help. It is hard enough to deal with the day to day of living with an autistic child but to never have what you need is a real pain in the ass. Don’t get me wrong I would go to the ends of the earth for my son. I’ll do whatever is necessary to get him help, but this is the good ole US of A and if you don’t have tons of cash well then you are usually out of luck. Needless to say I don’t have tons of cash. So medical bills plus travel expenses are killing our family.

The third thing I would fix is me. My health sucks, I have a degenerative disc in my back, fibromyalsia, thyroid issues, anxiety and depression issues, and hip trouble. I would love to have a day without pain. I would love a night when I could sleep the whole night without pain.

There are a few other things that I would alter in the universe but you get the idea.

However, I can’t change any of it so… I’m going to love my family, do what I have to do to help my son no matter how hard or how expensive (hence the reason I just got a job cleaning motel rooms). And as far a my health…well…I’ll take what relief I can get and thank God I’m in as good a shape as I am so I can take care of my family.

I will revel in that 30 seconds of happiness whenever something good happens and breathe. Don’t forget to breathe. Breathing is good. All problems can be solved as long as you have breath enough to fight and to pray.

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